The tragedy happened after I cracked a joke. It was never my intention to call for a fight or to insult. I thought it was just a sweet humor out of an intense emotion I am feeling. I thought it was funny until I knew it was not.
Words were thrown to me like swords. They are so sharp that it felt like my hands and feet were chained on the wall helpless. But I face all of them like a soldier who ate bullets in the battlefield.
It appeared to me that romance was over. We cannot see each other anymore. It was for our own good. This made it so sad. The good times that we shared were erased instantly. I was speechless.
I need to stop loving you from today and the rest of the tomorrows. My world halted in silence. You explained to me that everything was wrong. Pointless. Miserable. Forbidden.
You regretted meeting me. I don’t have the appearance you wish to have for a lover. You said that it was better if you could have just chosen to date a dirty old man with enough money to help you solve your problems or a man who can provide you with your vanity needs and materialistic choices.
You cannot just live with my sweet nothings. All I have is fantasy. Like a dream, it will be over when reality seeps in. This time, my eyes closed to contain its moist. Your mind does not have a place for me. It is too preoccupied with a lot of important things. It appeared to me that I am just an addition to your problem. You admitted that I am slowly becoming a part of your life. And you want to stop it right now because soon I will just be a misery.
You said that you are a bad person. You tried to discourage me from loving you. I felt that I was being pushed away. Like a beggar, I have no right to stay under the roof of the rich man.
After hearing all those things, I saw myself so bruised. Like a mercilessly defeated boxer in the ring, my self bled profusely and became so small it can be mistaken like an atom. My world turned black after it has recently revived its colors. I was shattered into pieces like a glass window thrown with a stone by a bystander.
There were voices in my mind telling me that I can belong now to the garbage. I felt unwanted. I felt so filthy that I have no right to mix with people. I am different and I can never be loved.
My love is poisonous. This thought was a lemon-drop to the wound I just have in my heart.
In a corner, I sit quietly. With no words to comfort my brutally hurt self, my tears willingly mixed with my sweat. My hands shook involuntarily as they managed to gently squeeze the covering of my heart.
At that instance, I was on the verge of losing my self respect. Until hope made me realize that for as long as I have love in my heart, I can always see things more deeply, genuinely and passionately.
To God, I am seeking strength to fight for the love that I have for you.
This is not surreal.
This is just uncommon.